It doesn’t always feel “there but for the Grace of God.” Sometimes it feels like “why me?”
Why me?
In real life, and I write about this in my fiction too, that’s a real question. Of course it manifests itself in different ways. When something happens I might think: why now? Or I might think: why me?
So if the cop singles me out and pulls me over, especially when I’m not doing anything other than what anyone and everyone else is doing, then it’s why me? That’s how it was way back in Columbus that day when the cop pulled me out of the crowd of people who were jaywalking and gave me the two-dollar ticket. Why me? Of course I knew why me that time. That time it was me because I was the only hippie in the crowd.
Yes. Long ago I was a hippie. I was ripe for being singled out that time and getting that ticket.
Why now is a different question. You know, and you probably all know well too, when you’re on your way out the door and you shut down your computer and the blue screen flashes “updating do not turn off,” that’s a why now question.
In my fiction, unless it’s within a character, I rarely, if ever, ask why me. Most often, if not always, it’s a why question, and more often than not it’s a “why this one and not that one” question.
I call that my sixty-four thousand dollar question. I almost always ask it like this: why does one dog get euthanized and the one right next to it get adopted?
Honestly, for me, that is a real question. Personally, I find it fascinating. And that dog who’s getting adopted, if we could read its thoughts it might be thinking: there but for the Grace of God… as it watches the dog being taken away.
Somewhere, somehow, some way, it all fits together.
Being cynical and without actually being political, I can tell you decisively that these considerations are foolish ones to our politicians and leaders. They don’t apply, and even if they did they wouldn’t matter. Again, not being political, to them, it’s silly stuff.
Except to say I’m extremely disappointed in where governments and leaders have taken us, even horribly ashamed actually, enough of that.
So back to the perplexing question. I understand and very often feel “there but for the Grace of God.” And I look up into the heavens and I wonder. No, this is not religious. I do believe in God, but this is not about that. This is about gratitude and being thankful on the one hand and about wondering, maybe wonderings, on the other. So much, especially these days, I wonder about.
As from last time, I wonder if this is all we are. I take a look at human behavior and I wonder for how smart and technologically advanced as we are, how can we be so stupid? so mean? so evil? so selfish and greedy?
I wonder what would happen if we followed collectively what the majority of us believe individually, you know, the simple, easy Golden rule, do unto others. If we could actually follow that, the rest of it would fall into place.
And then I wonder about fate, maybe luck, that sixty-four thousand dollar question: why does one dog get euthanized when the one next to it is adopted and finds a loving home?
In a sense, that’s the “why me?” question on a bigger scale, on a grand scale.
But even then, especially then maybe, when stuck in the “why me,” a good sense of gratitude goes a long way.
