Bill remembered the time with Mary, that one afternoon at Suburban when they were going about breading shrimp, pickerel and onion rings.
Wasn’t the only time he was high. Wasn’t the only time he was tripping. Wasn’t the only time he was high and drunk and tripping. But it was the time he and Mary had put aside to do the breading for the rest of the week.
Actually Mary hadn’t put away her time. She had put away his time. She had planned it so Bill had time to do the breading while all she had to do was help set him up, watch him and help him tray everything the way she wanted it for them for the line.
Bill already knew everything anyway. Bill was a quick study, smart and very organized. Mary knew this about Bill. She also knew he was meticulous, not just in his cooking but in his other activities too. That was one thing she liked about him and her together. He was painstakingly thorough.
Bill and Henry Lee had been drinking and smoking pot all morning straight up to the lunch service. They had beer stashed in the hall for when there were lulls during the service so they could go to the hall and drink. Bill had brought some acid to work with him and thinking they would have a slow afternoon, not much to do but the breading and some meat cutting, he popped a tab right at the start of the lunch service.
He’d figured it would take awhile to come on, probably hit him right about when he was standing with Mary doing the setup for the breading. But it didn’t quite work that way.
Henry Lee happened to see him pop the tab.
“Goddamn,” he said.
“Fuck it,” Bill said. “Sometimes I just fucking hate life.”
“Yeah, well, ain’t that a bitch,” Henry Lee said.
“Like I said,” Bill said.
The acid came on much sooner than he’d thought and right in the middle of the lunch rush he found he was tripping. It wasn’t a lot at first and he functioned. But toward the end of the service it took all the concentration he could muster just to do the slightest work well.
Henry Lee helped much as he could. He didn’t want Mary to find out and he certainly didn’t want Bea to find out. Bea was a wild card. She would be livid and no telling what she would do.
He knew Tommy was hip to it because Tommy, the assistant manager, was shaking his head as he watched Bill fumble around. Tommy was expediting. Twice he asked Bill if he was okay. Twice Bill said he was fine, that he felt sick, a little dizzy. Tommy asked if he had to cover Bill for the night. Bill said he’d be okay.
He was okay. He made it through the service. He was messed up at lunch for the staff and he was fully tripping as he and Mary set up for the breading. Several times he reached up under Mary’s skirt and several other times he just plain felt her up up there. Twice he kissed her right in front of Bea. Part of that on some subconscious level was spite, not to make Bea jealous but to piss her off.
They watched Bill, Mary and Bea did, while he stood over the breading station for about an hour just staring into the egg wash and not breading anything. Several times Mary went out the side doors into the side dining room to get coffee for her and Bill. Bill drank the coffee she brought him, but it wasn’t changing anything.
Finally she said what she said, which was “Boy how long you plan to be staring into them eggs? You plan to do any breading?”
Breading was a mindless chore, why Bill could, fairly drunk at the moment, not only bread the chicken breasts with Victor and the banquet chef but be lost in his thoughts too. His hands, experienced hands, moved without need for his head.
By Peter Weiss
“Jesus Christ,” Millie said.
“Happy?”
“God yes.”
“Feeling better?”
“I am now. All good. Gonna get some black coffee and go back to work happy and cheery.”
“You owe me big time.” Bill leaned in over Millie who was still not naked but fully exposed in the chair. He kissed her on the mouth long and hard.
“Jesus Christ,” Millie said again when they were done kissing. She made no attempt to cover up. Instead she showed herself proudly.
“You really think I’m gorgeous?” she asked.
“Definitely,” Bill said.
“Can you come back later?”
“Don’t think so. I’ve already been gone too long and they’re gonna razz me pretty good.”
“I can take care of you real quick.”
“I like you owing me.”
“You know you can have whatever you want, whenever you want.”
“I know,” Bill said.
“What are you gonna tell them?”
“Who? The boys? That Chloe gave you whiskey for us and we had a few drinks.”
“That it?”
“You bet.” Bill leaned in again kissed her again. This time when they were done kissing, Bill helped her up from the chair. He wanted to make sure she was steady on her feet.
Standing with her, he kissed her some more and as he did, he helped himself to a generous and prolonged feel of her all over.”
“They gonna believe you?” Millie asked. She did not move from his touch. She moved herself into it, helped him with her movements to find what he was looking for, what she wanted.
“Not for a second,” Bill said.
“And…?”
“And what?”
“And don’t stop.”
Millie, while they stood there, took Bill’s hand and led it to her, to where she wanted. She reached up and kissed him all the while they stood there, all they while he touched her.
“Maybe I will stop by later,” Bill said.
“Three-thirty,” Millie said. “You’ll be set up and will have some time before the room opens. I’ll be happy to pay off.”
“You have no idea what I might ask.”
“No matter what, be okay with me. Whatever it is.”
Bill kissed her one last time, watched as she put herself together and then led him out making sure the coast was clear.
“Three-thirty,” she said.
“If I can,” Bill said.
They were waiting for him in the main kitchen. Jimmy Banquet Chef and Victor were setting up to sauté chicken breasts. Jimmy G was sitting by the chef’s office smoking a cigarette and reading the Greek newspaper.
“Don’t mind the lazy one,” Jimmy Banquet Chef said. “He’s always gonna be lazy.”
“I’m not saying anything,” Bill said. He went first to read the banquet board, to see what they had for the rest of the week. When he had read it, studied it, he turned to the banquet chef and Victor and said, “Easy week.”
“Breakfast, lunch and one dinner tomorrow,” the banquet chef said. “None of them big. Then a quick lunch and two dinners the next day. Nothing the day before New Year’s Eve, but New Year’s Eve day is gonna be a bit crazy.”
“You can help us with the breakfasts and lunches. Dinner in your room is gonna be very busy.”
“Too bad for us,” the banquet chef said. “No New Year’s celebration for us.”
“Double time,” Victor said. “I’d rather make money anyway.”
“Me too,” Bill said.
“All right,” the banquet chef said, “let’s get this show on the road.”
Because it was quiet, because they were drinking, because there was no real hurry to do the work, the three men did everything themselves. First they stood and breaded the chicken breasts. They did this together in a line, each one dipping and handling one part of the breading, first man taking the chicken breasts from the trays, last man, which was Bill, traying them up again.
Tray after tray, they breaded all the breasts that needed to be done. Before they started to sauté, they smoked a cigarette and had another drink.
By Peter Weiss
Her being drunk was not a bad thing, Bill thought. His getting more high – he was used to drinking and so he was high, not drunk – was a good thing too. Owing her wasn’t bad either.
Wrong-think was bad and he was steeped in it. Self-pity was bad and he was steeped in that too. He didn’t quite know it or feel it as self-pity at the moment, but sometimes he did. Today he just felt crappy and he didn’t know why. All he knew was that he had no reason to be feeling crappy and that by any ordinary circumstances he should be feeling absolutely super.
On some level away from everything, if he looked at everything somewhat clearly, he had it made in the shade. Here was this gorgeous girl before him ready, willing and able, and she was not his wife either. That was the big dream of seven in ten married men. He was working, had money in the bank, had a good wife and…
He could go on.
“I am drunk,” Millie said, the third drink down. “See what you’ve done to me?”
“I haven’t done anything yet,” Bill said.
“And you’re not gonna,” Millie said. “I have to puke.”
“Ah, you’re fine,” Bill said.
“No. I really have to throw up.”
That said, she took off for the small closet-size bathroom there in the back.
And that was that.
Millie came back a moment later, disheveled and unsteady on her bare feet. She plopped herself into the arm chair and sat there, hair mussed, legs spread wide, dress partially opened bottom to top.
“You can do anything you want to me if you still want to,” she said.
“You look like shit,” Bill said. “You’re gorgeous, but you look like shit.”
“I feel like shit,” Millie said.
“Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker,” Bill said. He laughed.
“I mean it,” Millie said. “Just use me. I brushed my teeth and rinsed out my mouth with Listerine.”
Some fifteen years later Bill would be with a waitress who would say the same thing. Of course he couldn’t know this yet and he didn’t know that he would hear the words and remember Millie. He would remember then what he did now and so then in retrospect he would know what the feelings were.
What Bill did with Millie was about his father more than anything else, about that what-he-would-come-to-learn-as irrational and misguided notion that you had to give in order to get, or worse, that you just had to give. Bill would not rationalize it, would not think it out. Maybe if he could have done that he would have acted differently, not just now but through his whole life.
Millie was sprawled out in the chair just about maybe almost fully conscious.
“You know you really are gorgeous.” Bill stood a few feet from her, before her. He reached down and opened the last few buttons of her house-dress, spread it apart, stood looking at her skinny, Marie-like body. For his own pleasure, he reached behind her, unhooked her purple bra and pushed it to the side so he could see her bare breasts. Then he reached under her and pulled down her panties, let them settle down at her ankles and on her bare feet.
“Am I gorgeous?” Millie asked.
“You bet your sweet ass,” Bill said.
He stood looking at her as if he were an artist getting ready to start working on her portrait. In effect, it was somewhat the same. He was indeed an artist getting ready to go to work on his canvas.
By Peter Weiss
Call me old fashioned.
I was taught that nobody owes me anything.
I was taught to work for my living.
I was taught to be responsible financially.
Being financially responsible meant not going to a paying school until I could get a work-study program that fully paid my way except for books. But I did have to work 30 hours a week while going to school and because I worked summers too I earned enough to pay for my books.
I was taught that I had to pay my own way for my dream. If what I wanted to do or be didn’t make me any money, tough shit, get a job so I could do it. No one owed me my own personal fulfillment.
I was taught not to live beyond my means. If I couldn’t afford something, I shouldn’t buy it. I was taught not to borrow what I couldn’t pay back.
I was taught in school. I was taught reading, writing and arithmetic. I was taught to think for myself. I wasn’t taught what to think, what to believe, etc. That stuff was clearly and purposefully left for my parents to teach me.
I was taught that feelings aren’t facts, that facts are facts and interpretation of facts are just that, interpretation. Or, two plus two is four. It’s not four sometimes. It is not four based upon who I am, what my beliefs are or where I live.
Call me old fashioned. I was taught that government exists to protect its citizens.
Bottom line, our government should do that, protect its citizens, and then it should get the hell out of our lives and leave us alone to be individually free and self-sufficient.
Yes, call me old fashioned. This new world, new normal stuff stuff…
Call me old fashioned.
By Peter Weiss
China is building its military and its economy. It doesn’t care about controlling carbon emissions. It is threatening Japan, Hong Kong and expanding in the South China Sea. It is intent upon controlling the world. And that doesn’t even mention Covid.
In one simple tirade and with the stroke of a pen Biden has made Europe energy-dependent upon Russia for the next two decades at least. He’s also empowered and enriched Iran (again), the world leader in terrorism.
Then he stands there in Europe and tells our military and the world America’s greatest threat is climate change.
Wanna buy a bridge?
By Peter Weiss
They had a second drink.
When Millie brought that second drink she sat next to him on the sofa. “I’m not used to this,” she said, “to the drinking early in the day. I’m getting light-headed.”
“Feel good?” Bill asked.
“Not complaining,” Millie said. “Not complaining about anything.”
“I do have to get up to the kitchen, you know.”
“I know,” Millie said, “and I know we’ve already spent some of your time.”
“I’d say your time too.”
“Our time,” Millie said. “I’m hoping we’ll have lots of our time over time. If you want that, of course.”
Bill thought a moment. The thought was if he had what he wanted he wouldn’t be here in the first place. The thought was that if he knew what he wanted he might have it. But it was so much more than that.
It is much more than that, Bill thought. Bill knew it went all the way back to his father who taught him that love was fulfilling the other person, that it was selfish to go after what you yourself wanted.
At other times, in another place, at this particular spot in that thought Bill would ask himself what he wanted. Not now. Not here. Not sitting on the sofa next to Millie who was waiting for him to do something. In effect, he thought, his not doing something was doing something.
Much, much later in his life Bill would discover something he would consider a major discovery. It wasn’t that women and the sex were just another drug, which they were. He would discover that much sooner.
He would discover that Robert’s saying “what’s good to you is good for you” wasn’t as simple as it seemed. How could you know what was good for you? What was good to you? What seemed good to you one day sometimes ended up being crappy in the end, crappy overall. It was hard to figure. Then, what about what felt good? Was what felt good good for you? Good to you? Sex felt good at the time. But then… Drugs felt good, but then…
Helping that kid at that demonstration felt good – at the moment. It felt right, was, regardless of the consequences, right. It felt good right up to the moment he got grabbed by the undercover FBI agents who happily knocked him out from behind and handed him over to the Columbus police.
And now here he was. Millie in purple was sitting next to him. Skinny Marie-like-except-in-cinnamon-skin Millie, prepared and willing to do anything he wanted, anything he said, sat next to him on the sofa, her bony, sexy self with magnificent hands and feet all just for him. In her barely closed housedress under which was more purple, bra and panties, she was positively delectable. And she was light-headed too.
But he was thinking about his father. He was thinking about what his father impressed upon him, specifically about not taking what you wanted, about fulfilling others, about love being putting the other person before yourself and caring for them more than for yourself.
What bullshit, he would come to learn.
That big, major discovery that would come some maybe forty years later was that so much of what his father taught him/impressed upon him was survivor mentality. How simple. Survivor mentality. Survivor stuff.
He would be teaching a book called Maus. The father, a survivor, was exercising. He asked his son to get him his medicine, which the son did. When the father opened the bottle of pills he spilled them all over. “Look what you did,” the father screams at the son and he goes on to berate him, to beat him up mentally.
“Let’s have another drink,” Bill said.
“I was hoping for something else,” Millie said.
“I know,” said Bill. “That too.”
“You owe me,” Millie said. “And you’re building up a big debt.”
Millie, clearly showing disappointment in her demeanor, stood. She took Bill’s glass and hers and got them another drink.
“This will make me drunk,” she said.
By Peter Weiss
A week ago was Memorial Day. We celebrated and honored all those who gave their lives for our country. Rightfully so.
I said then that there has never been another country like America. That is so true. We admit we have shortcomings and we work on them. We are the most generous country ever. We consistently work at bettering ourselves and the world and we contribute to that ceaselessly.
In 1989 when the Berlin Wall fell, the United States became the only world power, the sole super power. With our allies we could have taken over the world. Without our allies we still could have done this.
But we didn’t.
- Critical race theory
- Open borders (that they repeatedly say are closed)
- Government regulation based upon skin color/enforcement of the law based upon one’s politics and/or color
- Redistribution of wealth/reparations
- Trump supporters indiscriminately labeled as fascists and white supremacists
- Social media censoring conservative voices
- Mainstream media outright lying to their viewers and openly biased in their reporting
- Police being the criminals and criminals set free with no penalties
Do you think those brave people who died for America in the past would recognize her now?
By Peter Weiss
Upcoming sometime I suppose I will post the whole of the facebook saga. Meantime I’m not able to access my account or even see it and according to what I can do on line, I can’t access it since all my information was changed or hacked or cancelled out by facebook.
Your guess is as good as mine.
I’m considering alternatives. It seems to me, although I may do this, that getting a new facebook account is like taking a hair of the dog, and I don’t know know if I want another bite at this rotten apple.
One would think that a company worth some 528 billion dollars and so influential throughout the world as to censor President Trump and proclaim a two-year ban-sentence on him while allowing all sorts of dictator/totalitarian/terrorist voices to be heard ought to at least have a customer service line where people who have technical trouble with their product could speak to someone for assistance.
But they’ve become so big and so powerful, they have made themselves unreachable. Unwielded, unchecked power and completely unreachable, that’s pretty scary to me.
Meantime, Monday Morning Rant and new Bill Wynn coming for tomorrow.
By Peter Weiss
