Emptiness.
That’s what they had in common.
After Beverly told him “Tell me about it” they sat awhile in silence again. They didn’t look at each other. They sat looking at that half wall/half window directly before the staircase. Then, still without saying anything, she reached to him and hooked her arm through his.
“That emptiness is what we have in common,” Beverly said. “Nothing is gonna bring my baby back and nothing is ever gonna fill that void I feel all the time now.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Bill said. “Nothing’s filled mine yet, not even writing. Writing only fills it for when I’m writing. And then it’s like I’m a empty ship looking to find my cargo, going here and there getting things but never getting my cargo, the one that I’m looking for.”
“What things?”
“A wife, a relationship. Maybe I thought she could fill it, but that’s not happening.”
“What else?”
“Not girls,” Bill said. “Not like that anyway. I mean pussy is nice but looking for it, no. I think I’m looking for friendship, a closeness that might fill the void. But guys don’t want to talk about this shit, so it’s mostly girls and when you get to talking about deep, intricate and intimate stuff, you know what happens.”
“What?”
“C’mon Beverly. You know where this is going.”
“Where?”
“To a place where this staircase ain’t gonna be enough.”
“Oh yeah? And why’s that?”
“Because sooner or later we’re gonna start to feel for each other, you and me, and one time, while we’re commiserating, maybe when we’re just talking, one of us is gonna cry and the other one is gonna hug them and we’re both gonna be overcome with passion.”
“You really think that?”
“Sure as I’m sitting here.”
“Then maybe we shouldn’t be sitting here.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t. That what you think? What you want?”
Beverly slid herself closer to Bill, her arm still hooked in his. “I want that emptiness to go away.”
“No matter what happens with us, I can’t make it go away. You can’t make mine go away either. Best we can do is hold each other and maybe distract each other.”
“Who was Robert?” Beverly asked.
Bill turned toward her and kissed her then. He kissed her long and deep and hard, so much so that their faces were tightly pressed together. It was not playful kissing. He kissed her roughly, purposefully, seriously. Bill felt Beverly kissing back, felt her kiss just as hard.
“I wanted that,” she said when they stopped. “I wanted to feel someone wanting me, wanting to smother me with themselves.”
“See what I’m saying?” Bill said.
“If that’s why you kissed me, fuck you,” Beverly said.
“What are you talking about?”
“Did you kiss me just to show me what you were saying about where this is going?”
“I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. I kissed you because I wanted to taste you and I wanted to be kissed. I kissed you because I wanted us to be close.”
“Do you want me?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“A simple and straightforward one.”
“It’s not like that. It’s not like I just want to get with you. I want us to be right there.” Bill pointed from his forehead to hers. “You know, here. And I don’t want anything from you. You have no idea what you’re doing. You know a little about what you’re feeling and what you think you might want. But you don’t know what comes with it.”
“That a yes or a no?” Beverly asked.
