“So let me tell you a few things,” Bill said. “You’re not looking at it clearly. In the times we’ve been here together, we’ve done what we’ve done and that’s simply what it is. We can’t take it back. But I can tell you about guilt. I can tell you about feeling like a dog, you know, like a dirty dog. I can tell you about having to run into the shower so your wife don’t know you been with someone else.
“You want to know about those things?”
Beverly looked at Bill. She didn’t move away from him. She didn’t say anything.
“I can tell you about being with someone else and then coming home and your wife wants to be with you. I can tell you what if feels like inside your mind, inside your soul. And I can tell you about having to lie, having to say your spouse is the only one… about looking down to your feet because you don’t want to look them in the eye.
“I can tell you about all that shit,” Bill said, “about what it’s really like. But then of course I can only tell you what it is for me. I don’t know how other guys feel or what they feel. I don’t how some people are who they are and do what they do.”
Beverly reached out and took Bill’s hand. “What would you do if you were me?” she asked.
“Nothing,” Bill said. “Absolutely nothing. I wouldn’t do anything with anyone until I was a hundred percent sure what I was gonna do in my marriage. Gonna tell him you know and give him a second chance? Gonna kick him out the door? Gonna go for revenge-sex and make him pay with spite, venom and your nastiness? Gonna do nothing? Not say anything, do anything and hope it blows over?”
Beverly squeezed Bill’s hand. “Those all my options?” she asked. She leaned in toward Bill like to kiss him, but he leaned away.
“I could probably think of a few others,” Bill said. “Give me some time.”
“What would you do?”
“You’re asking the wrong guy, baby. I’m no better than your husband if you want to look at it honestly. And I know you want to look at it honestly. So a real answer is like what I already said. If I were you, I’d do absolutely nothing but some real soul searching. I’d take a good look at my life and what it is and then see what I want it to be. Then, only when I had a sense of that would I start to think about taking any actions.”
“You might never get to have me.”
“And that would be right if that’s what you decide you want.”
“You’d be good with that?”
“How is that a real question here?” Bill asked. “I mean how does what I’m good with affect what you need to consider for you?”
“Why can’t I just have a little time off?” Beverly asked. “Why can’t we just have some fun and call it just that?”
“Don’t work like that, baby. And you can have it if it’s what you want. Get one of them waiters who wants to get in your pants and go have some fun. Go have all the fun you want. But don’t come crying when it doesn’t turn out to be the fun you thought it would be.”
“I’d want it to be you. I’m already getting to know you and care about you. And you kiss good too.”
Bill smiled at Beverly. “Come here,” he said. He led her to the stair one down from where they were and settled her in front of him. “I’ll rub your shoulders,” he said.
