That club was a no-fun club. Lorraine, as she shared it, was afraid to go out with the person she’d met. She was afraid because she was insecure. She was afraid because despite having been with Bill now, she still doubted her female abilities, her sexual abilities and her attractiveness. She was, she said, just plain afraid.
After work they drove to Lorraine’s friend’s house where they met when Lorraine’s kids were home. Laying there fully naked under the covers, she in his arms, she asked, “What club?”
“You know,” he said, “the one where you’re afraid of everything.”
“You afraid of everything?”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“Well I’m not afraid of you anymore either. But I was, and anyway that’s not what I’m talking about.”
“I know. And I know what you’re talking about.”
”So, are you afraid of everything?”
“Pretty much,” said Bill, “and then some.”
“Give me some examples.”
“What’s this? True confessions?”
“One friend to another. I am your friend cause I’d never hurt you and I’d never betray your trust.”
“Okay, one friend to another then. It started God-knows-how-long ago. And I never thought about it much. Still don’t. But after I got busted and knew I was going to jail, I took to my bed for about six months. I got drunk early in the morning, did drugs and stayed nearly comatose. I was scared out of my mind. They were threatening to not let me graduate. I had to cop the deal just to not get thrown out of school.”
Lorraine sat up. As she did so the covers fell from her and she was exposed to her waist. She moved slightly so she was facing Bill. He sat up, leaned on the pillows against the headboard.
“That’s really f’d up,” she said.
“You think?”
“Uh, duh…,” Lorraine said.
“Oh, good,” Bill said. “I thought it was just me.”
Lorraine smacked him on the arm playfully. “Get out of here,” she said. As she said this, whether from the cold or because Bill was looking at her, her nipples stiffened and she became self-aware. When she began to cover up, Bill stopped her by taking hold of her hands on the covers.
“What?” she asked.
“Stay like that,” he said.
“Why?”
Bill leaned way forward and towards her. He kissed her on her stiffened nipples then reached up, took her chin in his hand and kissed her on the lips. “Because you’re beautiful,” he said.
“You don’t have to say that, you know.”
“Oh, I know. Believe me I do.”
“Good. So before we go any further, and since we’re being brutally honest, why do you mess around on your fiancé? Isn’t she beautiful?”
“I can’t answer that. And she’s very beautiful. Why did you pursue me? If I recall, after we had that talk downstairs in the party room, I told you we were square. You wouldn’t let it be.”
“Okay. Tit for tat. I pursued you for multiple reasons, all personal. I needed the job. I really needed it and still do. I was extremely horny. I hadn’t been with anyone for close to two years. I needed to get laid. I knew you’d do me if I kept insisting and that I probably didn’t have to worry about rejection. So I insisted, even made it so you’d feel bad if you rejected me. And here we are. I even fixed it so we have a place to come to.”
“Well thank goodness for little favors.”
“Don’t be patronizing and don’t be glib.”
“How about wanton and demanding?” Bill reached out for her but Lorraine did her best to avert him.
“Tit for tat,” she said. “Your turn.”
