First thing, Bill called home. It was already past two in the morning and he didn’t want to wake his fiancé, but better she knew he wasn’t coming home and better he was the one to tell her. He kept a lie in storage. He always hoped he wouldn’t have to use it.
As luck would have it, when he called there was no answer. This meant she was asleep or in the shower or not at home, or, and this was actually the one from way out in left field, she was home and so angry with him she wasn’t answering the call. But that wasn’t like her, he knew. Even angry, she would answer the phone since there was always the chance he’d been in an accident, or hurt at work, or even arrested. Yes, his being arrested was in her frame of reference. It had happened once and on that fateful day no one could reach him for many, many long hours.
That his fiancé didn’t answer the phone was a relief. Bill knew that put the onus on her as much as on him and this usually meant they both trusted each other’s veracity.
Lorraine said she had to pee and got up. To make things simple, Bill went with her and when they were settled in the bed again, in her girlfriend’s spare bedroom, Lorraine reminded him it was his turn. Bill reached for her. She let him have a brief moment of kissing and fondling before insisting he fess up.
“Because,” he said. “I didn’t mean to and didn’t even plan to. It started the first night when I was a busboy. I spilled soup on a customer and he was horrible to the waitress and so I stood up for her. Turns out she…”
“I know the story,” Lorraine said.
“Well, so there it is.”
“You could have said no.”
“Yup. Just like you could have accepted no. At some point, when you’re twenty years old and it’s just standing there staring you in the face, you say to yourself ‘what the hell’ and you rationalize it by saying it doesn’t mean anything anyway. But it does mean something.”
“Don’t you feel guilty?”
“Don’t you? You’re not exactly contributing to my happy home. You didn’t think about me feeling guilty when you pursued me.”
“Yup,” Lorraine said. “And I should have, shouldn’t I? I mean I got cheated on and it wrecked my life as I knew it.”
“Well, so there you have it. Then, after the first time it’s easy. You kind of get used to tasting different food. And you get a reputation, so to speak. And then there are pressures that come at you, you know, like when you don’t want to but kind of have to cause it’s easier than not or cause someone has something on you. It’s actually all messed up when you think of it that way.”
“Yeah. It really is,” Lorraine said. “ Maybe we should just quit it then.”
“Don’t you like me anymore?”
“Course I do.”
“Don’t you want me anymore?”
“You know I do.”
“Good. So let’s have another go-round before we cut out of here.”
Bill summoned Lorraine. First thing, she lay on him while they kissed and he rubbed her back. They kissed and kissed, all the while his hands working their way down to her buttocks. Then they moved on their sides facing each other so they could equally explore each other’s bodies with their hands and more.
Having had that discussion, Lorraine seemed a bit more needy than usual, a bit more eager not only to please, but to surrender. Bill thought this, but then he thought maybe he was just imagining. Then he was lost in her but not so much so that he didn’t ask her if she was okay.
“I’m fine,” she said. “Just fine.”
